So, yesterday was a memorable day. Perhaps it was equally forgettable day. After spending a lot of time in rage, and making my own knuckles sore by all the clinching and hitting, I calmed down and thought back on the events that had transpired. Whenever you look back at anger episodes, they seem pretty much pointless. All it does is burns up your brain, frying up your time and sometimes money, in pursuit of the intangible satisfaction. I do not have a history of the aggressive kind, except maybe that one time that I had punched a guy whose girlfriend got into a water splashing contest with me. Believe me, it was far less conspicuous than it sounds.
History or not, I have given into the rage recently, as pointed out to me by some friends. So after a semi intervention yesterday ( by the same set of friends), we did something guys detest doing- talk about it. Seriously, it’s awkward for both guys involved, when one of us has to talk about feelings, or anything heartfelt. I am not sure that everything we talked about was relevant or in line with what had happened, but we did talk about gadgets and other cool stuff in between so go figure!
The takeaway of conversation was fighting a battle against invisible enemy.
My friends are of opinion that I am making separate issues into a chimera that I cannot kill. This is the root of all the rage according to them. I have to agree, at least partially. I think I am just too bored with the lack of excitement that I am used to . I may also have a thing or two for grandeur, and that is pretty expensive. For every grand story, someone has to die or be wronged in some way. I don’t want to do that, it’s a pity that I have given in so many times already. When I look back at the instances, I see a resemblance between me and Alex ( from clockwork orange). Obviously, I do not have such strong impulses, nor do I have a killer attitude. So I am going to try and not try to do anything silly. I am making a promise to myself, to better control all the madness and anxiety. I owe it to the future me.